I saw a funny post the other day about 80s kids and their 40s. For your viewing pleasure I saved it. Enjoy it for a moment .

It made me laugh. I am a 1987 baby…so 40 is months away. I still can remember as a kid being in a party store and seeing the black party decorations that said 40 and things like over the hill…or worst a grave stone.

I’m not sure where I stand in the group of 80s babies approaching their 40s. I don’t feel like I’m close to 40…. what the hell does that even mean anyway?? I don’t really feel old. Are we supposed to be dreading 40? Those decorations and posts make me feel like we are.

But I’m not.

I am actually looking forward to my 40s.

My teens where a time of growth and self discovery. By high-school I had started to break away from my family unit more and more. Started to figure out who I was as a person. I got my first job at 14 and worked all throughout high-school and college. I enjoyed working and worked as many hours as I was allowed to work. I did this while maintaining good grades. I was …and still can be a.. a very competitive person. When I learned that every student had a rank I became determined to get as high a rank as I could. I finished 3rd in my class and remember how angry I was that my college classes didn’t count differently. I did dual enrollment and felt very strongly that the classes should have been weighed differently. However looking back I’m so thankful for my GPA. I was once told that I would never accomplish anything for my brains but for my looks. Maybe I should be thankful for that because I worked so hard to prove that incorrect.

So much has changed. My 20s where a whirlwind. I started my 20s with a 6 month old baby and no idea where life was going to take me. During my 20s I desperately tried to be a good mom,  avoid being a statistic,  and I exhausted myself trying. By the end of my 20s I went from overachiever young mom to stay at home mom with 3 kids.

I was so freaked out to turn 30.

My 30s have been trial through fire. At 32 I had my 4th baby, lost my closest family relationships and my health suddenly turned for the worst. Multiple surgeries and procedures. Another baby. A cross country move . A devastating miscarriage. More surgery. 

By 37 I thought my 30s were going to absolutely break me. At 39 I sit here and smile. Are things better… no not really. My 30s have been trial by fire.  However as the months of this decade come to a close, I can say with absolute certainty I have finally realized what I am made of.

My 30s have been a time of absolute growth and transformation. I stood I fell and I stood again. I found my faith in a way I never would have believed could exist 10 years ago. I watched my world fall apart, only to dust myself off and keep going. The fire did not destroy me, but revealed who I was all along.

Unlike the transition from 29 to 39, I’m not having any negative feelings about going from 39 to 40.

Maybe its because of my faith, but 40 is a symbolic number on my life.  There are so many references to the number 40 and better things to come. I hold onto that tightly.

My early 30s showed me how much of a fierce advocate of others I was. My late 30s have shown me that not only can I be a fierce advocate for myself, but that it is absolutely necessary.  No one else is coming to save me, I was my knight in shining armor after all.

So here’s to the next 200 something days. I know they will not be easy. Nothing about my 30s has been easy. However my success rate is pretty good… I’ve for better or worse survived 100% of my worst days. I am now much better equipped for whatever comes my way.

To close out this post..which I found in my drafts that I started 5 years ago…which may be obvious by the slight change in writing style from now to then… is a song I hold onto when times are tough.

Here is a beautiful performance of It is Well with My soul performed by Anthem Lights.