Growing up I used to love roller coasters .The taller the better, the faster the better .  I loved the ups and downs,  the twists and turns .  I couldn’t get enough.  I never knew that those rides would never compare for the ride that I would someday get on.
Motherhood is the ultimate roller coaster ride.  The highs are incredible , there are twists and turns to delight you.  The lows however can be pretty low. I  never understood just how many emotions one could feel in one day until I became a mother,  and how some of those emotions could be so conflicting .  To be overjoyed and overwhelmed .  To feel so lonely yet crave some alone time.  To feel like you don’t stop all day but feel like you’ve got nothing accomplished . To be so proud to watch them grow, but wish you could slow down time just a little bit .

I’m puzzled by this phase of life. This phase is so hard,  yet I know that it’s a phase so many look back on and would give anything to go back.  Trace Adkins has a song You’re gonna miss this that highlights those very feelings.

You’re gonna miss this

You’re gonna want this back

You’re gonna wish these days hasn’t gone by so fast

These are some good times,  so take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you’re gonna miss this

This song hits home because I already know this.  One huge blessing in my life is the age gap between my oldest and my middle child . There is a 7 year gap so I am all too aware of how fast the time goes. I’ve also come to realize that this knowledge is a curse. Knowing how fast it goes by makes me feel incredibly guilty for any of the moments I find myself wanting to take a break. I feel guilty because I know how precious this time is. .

Most of the time I am happy where I am.  I don’t mind the nights that leave me still feeling tired in the morning.  I don’t mind the repetitive things that I do all day.  Cook, clean, repeat. Wash dry repeat. Ask a question ,  answer a question , repeat. It goes on and on,  and I really don’t mind.  I love being a mother.  There are also times when I feel a little down.  Motherhood is a very demanding job with very few if any days off to recover from the work load.Sometimes I feel like I’ve got a handle on things,  and sometimes I’m glad bedtime is basically a reset button giving me a chance to try again the next day.  To be a little more patient ,  to worry about little less, to smile a little more .  It is a season of love where people come and go.  Those of us who are in this season understand ,  but are also took busy in their own lives.  Those who are not in this season don’t seem to understand how a mother at home with her kids all day doesn’t have time to do everything.  Playmates are fun,  the library is fun,  but sometimes the amount of work it takes to get out the door is intimidating .

I pray that I never lose sight is what’s important .  The little people in my care are and should be the center of my universe. They control my life because I allow their needs to come first.  Someday there will be more of a balance ,  but for now this is my season of life.  In the glorious moments and not so glorious moments I’m living in the best years of my life,  even if I don’t always realize it.