I got my labs done last week… Wednesday…it’s now Monday… no results.

I have checked the portal so many times I have lost count… I’m fact I lost count the first day.

I don’t know why they are taking so long. Maybe it’s the kind of test it is? I’ve forgotten the name of the test..however it’s to help look for something auto immune.

Living with something chronic is hard…. living with something chronic and not knowing what’s actually causing it is extremely frustrating.

I have mixed feelings on being diagnosed. Not being diagnosed doesn’t make my pain less real…. but I also don’t want to wear a diagnosis as a badge of honor. Oh I have….

For me the diagnosis is a better starting point. There are things I need to do to better my heath regardless of any diagnosis. I am hoping however that getting a diagnosis can help me fine tune some of the changes I make in my life.

I have no idea what my outlook is. What should I expect and what can I do to live the best life possible? How can I learn to live with whatever this is and still live the life I want to live ?

Will knowing make it less or more scary?

I’m hoping that knowing will give me options….as well as make me feel less crazy. There are times I try to convince myself it’s all in my head and if I really tried I could snap out of it…. I so wish that were the case.

It’s almost 1pm… and I wonder how may more times before bed tonight I’ll check for my results…. knowing that they probably won’t be there…. but hoping to be surprised.