I can’t pretend I understand the scale.

I weighed myself this morning and was 254.2

Super frustrating to be above starting but I decided the scale was not going to be my master and I was going to move on with my day.

I had coffee but no breakfast because I was trying to get everyone out the door. This morning felt like one of those days I wasted far too much time looking for things.

My preschooler could not get to sleep last night and this morning needed some more sleep. I should have made breakfast for myself then because I did feel hungry… but my stomach also feels pretty bad. Lately at night around 2am I’m waking up incredibly stressed. Like eyes fly open mind going 100 miles per hour before I can even comprehend I’m awake. I am assuming that is not helping my stomach one bit.

I finally got out the door by offering a morning trip to Sonic. A corn dog minus the corn is her favorite thing lately . It’s not every day so I figured if it helps the cause it’s worth it.

I finally get her to school just shy of 10am.

I needed gas so I stopped for that then off to get my curbside order. Best thing for those of us who are recovering spenders. ( Great book by the way…highly recommend. It’s by Lauren Greutman)

I debate stopping at Aldi for more of those wings but I decide not to push my luck and bring my sleeping little one home.

I arrived home to see landscapers which means loud noise and and even louder dog barking at them. I decided to drive around and regret my decision not to pick up some breakfast. Luckily they weren’t there too long.

I decided to weigh myself again….which is a clean sign I’m giving it more power than I should. This time I was 252.6 🤷‍♀️

I ate my newly beloved banana either peanut butter and salt then started some more laundry. After a bit I was still hungry so I made my cheese meat and pickle thing.

I have been busy working on my house trying to keep myself occupied.

I have the strong urge to pick at stuff and I don’t know if I’m hungry or if I just want to eat too eat.

My baby is 8 months old now and currently in the please hold me all the time phase. I’m honestly quite happy to indulge him and it helps me battle the guilt of giving him my attention while trying to do other things. He helped me sweep and mop today. I used my spray mop which isn’t my favorite way to mop but i hope it’s better than nothing .

He’s a little over 20 pounds at this point. Carrying him around did make the job slightly harder. Which is another reminder of why while it’s hard to keep up what I’m trying to do. I have added almost 3 of him to my 5 foot 2 inch frame and it’s causing me incredible harm. My health started to crumble which was the catalyst to this crazy weight gain , however the weight itself is creating more challenges that I didn’t need to add to the equation. I still need to put in the call to the rheumatologist and for my mri… and I just can’t bring myself to do it.

It’s my goal to do it by Monday.

My kids played outside for quite some time and I must say sunshine and conversation are excellent distraction. This seems to be around when I get antsy about what I’m doing and start to feel like I’m going to waiver.

After playing it was pick for preschool and then we picked up Wendy’s for dinner. Generally speaking I don’t love fast food… but it’s scout night and I just needed fast and simple. I got a chicken sandwich…didn’t specifiy grilled…and just ate jt anyway. The honey mustard dressing has added sugar I’m guessing but I’m trying to be realistic about what I do right now so I ate it and didn’t worry about it.

Scouts was hard to get to as everyone wanted to run in 5 directions before we went but we got there almost on time and the kids enjoyed it.

I managed day 3. I may have screwed up… at one point I felt very blah ( only way I can think to describe it). I looked in the first and say the bottle of Pomegranate juice I had bought awhile back. No added sugar… but sugar…. I drank some. Probably 3 ounces or so based on what the bottle looked like. I won’t keep doing stuff like that but this phase is the reduction phase. It’s not going to be perfect but I’m basically looking for better than before.