Mammas… here is a different perspective on things.

I have read post after post encouraging Mammas to stop feeling like they are failing because they are exactly who their children need. God gave them to you for a reason.

I agree. God makes no mistakes and you were given those children for a reason. However I would like to expand on this common comment and give a different perspective on it.

God gave you those children because they are exactly what YOU needed. Yes what YOU needed.

I agree that you are exactly who your children needed and that is why their souls were sent to you. I believe this in the best of cases and the worst of cases..but that’s a subject for another day.

Your child…in the best and worst of cases… were sent to you because you needed them. I imagine at this point some reading this may be giving me the look… stay with me a little longer …

My children were given to me because God knew my fighting spirit. I have four very unique , very great, but also very challenging children. God knew that there was no place too dark, too deep, too scary for me when it came to them. I would fight to protect their hearts no matter what the expense. I got their souls because they needed someone who was willing to put in the work to get them to the other side of their challenges.

God gave them to be because their challenges would force me to grow and expand. God gave them to me to reshape me and to mold me into who I ultimately needed to become.

I was not as open as understanding as I needed to be. I truly believe that is why I was given children that would stretch me until I felt like I would break.

Before I say anymore I feel like I need to have a very real moment. I am discussing real people..people with feelings and people with a right to privacy. I will share my experience without directly identifying them. If and when someday they want to share their stories with the world they can, until then I will protect and respect that that is their choice.

With my four children I have experienced so much. I have been a mother for almost 15 years and yet I still sometimes feel like a rookie because so many unknowns are still coming my way. I am deep in the trenches. I am raising a teen and a toddler as well as elementary aged kids. The only days I don’t practically fall asleep as soon as I hit the pillow are the days I stay awake worrying.

I have handled illness, and I don’t just mean the sniffles. Immune issues, chronic infections, allergies, asthma. Anxiety that has presented in both the quiet tummy ache kind and the kind that comes out in rage. I have dealt with ADHD, speech issues, developmental delays. Testing after testing. Advocating and fighting both for and against. Self injury. Gender identity. Sexual identity. Accepting…or trying to accept things that do not feel “normal” to me. Defending personal choices. Protecting them from generational trauma. Seeing innocence being taken at the hands of another and trying like hell to protect every bit of the innocence they had left after that day. Learning problems. School problems. Checking on at 2am for both fevers and to make sure they are safe from themselves. I have held on for dear life during an episode to prevent them from hurting themselves or someone else then put my own feelings aside to provide comfort while my own body throbs in pain.

I have cried like hell in corners and come out wiping my eyes asking who’s hungry. I have broken my own heart to protect theirs. I have learned to sit in my own discomfort. I have begged and prayed to God for protection and answers…for something to make sense. I have closed my car door and screamed into my steering wheel. I have learned to put my own feelings aside and that it is not all about me and how I feel. I have learned to use kind words when unkind words want to flow from my lips. I’ve learned to make amends and say I was wrong when harsh words were used in place of love. I have learned more about rights and policies than I ever cared to know about. I have been unsure I can go on, and then gotten up and done it anyway.

I needed every experience. I needed to feel every bit of discomfort and uncertainty. I needed to doubt and question everything I ever knew. I needed to experience all of the joy and the pain and every emotion in between to realize that the world is not black and white but many many shades of gray. I needed to learn there is a difference between love and unconditional love. I needed to learn to be afraid and do it anyway.

I needed them as much as they needed me. So Mamma…if you feel stretched thin and like you are doing it all wrong. If you feel like you are failing, just breathe. Believe all the stories about how God sent you these children because they needed you, and remember that you needed them too. You are at the part of the story where things were intense and you thought defeat was near… but you are rising to victory. You are growing into the person you were meant to be.