I hate this time of year. No really I hate it. It’s not the heat, or the bugs. It’s the fact that summer vacation is almost over, and I will miss it all year long.

I really don’t understand all the Facebook posts and commercials suggesting that the most wonderful time of the year is upon us. The time of year when we send our children back to school. I guess I’m just not one of those moms. I don’t celebrate the return of school and all it brings. I love summer. Mornings without an alarm clock screaming at me to send my children out the door. I love asking the question “what do you want to do today?” Or telling them we have something fun planned. Or nights spent far too late at the park. I love being able to spend so much time with my kids that it starts to make me feel crazy. Before you point out that this is all good and all but you’re home, what about working moms, I will point out that I have been a working mom too, and still felt this way then too.

I start to feel sad at the soon to be loss of casual morning breakfasts and lazy afternoons. Wednesday trips to the zoo and the ability to plan fun before 3pm. When I was a working mom I used to plan ways to cram as much fun as I could into our day before my late afternoon shift began. Both then and now I would feel physically exhausted, but my heart so full.

One of the biggest blessings I have is the age gap between my first and second child, 7 years. That was a big enough gap to realize just how fast time really flies by. Every one knows the saying the days are long but the years are short. As cliche as that sounds, it really is true. I think when you are in the fog of the early years you don’t really stop to appreciate it. You look forward to them getting older and things being “easier”. There is really no easier, just different. Even with that perspective I still am not sure how 5 years went by so fast with my 2nd child. It really hit me the other day that she was off to kindergarten when I was checking out fall library programs and realized she wouldn’t be joining us this year. I struggled with the decision to put her in full day kindergarten, but it allowed her to do a program best suited for her learning, but selfishly I wanted just one more year to pretend she was little. It also dawned on me that in just a few short years summers will mean a totally different thing for me as my oldest grows and starts to have his own life. I felt sad and happy at the same time. Sadness for my own want to keep them with me, but happy for them for what lies ahead.

18 summers with each child is what we get, maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to wish them away. Not to celebrate them being away from us because someday summertime will come and they won’t be with us to drive us crazy all day.

The real challenge for me this time of year is to not count down the days I have left, but to make the most of them. To fill them with excitement about the coming year, while concealing my mixed feelings on it. Also to plan on trying to really embrace this year with my younger son, as preschool is rapidly approaching, and to cuddle my baby as long as either of us want, because someday I’ll be waving goodbye.