One month ago I decided to take on a challenge. It was a challenge very different than any I’ve taken on before. I’ve done things to save money, save time, etc …. but I’ve never done one that focuses on myself. I decided over the course of 30 days to practice better self care, and I called it 30 Days of Me. How did it go? Well if you followed any of my first 10 days you saw I was playing around with different ideas for self care. The next 20? Well it was mixed. I had fully intended to write every day of my 30 days, almost as a journal of sorts. It went really well the first 10 days, even if I was a day late I posted my update. What happened next? Real life. Sometimes I really aggravate myself. I’ll be doing really really well at something, then a day or two go by when I don’t, and then I fall off completely. About a week after not writing I thought about giving an update, and my entire house got sick and I was doing my best to just keep my head above water. So I decided to wait until things calmed down, to give myself a little grace. I think I said this before but sometimes self care means saying no, knowing when to take a step back. Even during my period of not updating my blog I did continue to do self care.

I decided to do my self care in a few different ways. The biggest change from 30 days ago is to get myself ready every day. I wish I could say I got up at 530am to have coffee in the peaceful early morning quiet while reflecting and getting ready for the day. Nope, it went more like wake up early, so no thank you, and go back to bed until I actually needed to be up. Not ideal with small children but I found a way around this. I am currently a stay at home mom. Good and bad when it comes to getting ready. But to focus on the good it gives me a little bit more grace when it comes to getting ready.  My oldest is in school and leaves about 730am to get on the bus every morning. Some days I would make sure he was up and getting ready then go get ready… or at least put an outfit on. Some days I would do that and my make up while he got ready.  Then there were days my pajama pants stayed on and I prayed I could go lay back down before my two younger ones woke up…. for the record that only happened like two times and both times I just sat in a chair drinking my coffee. But, even if I didn’t get up and get dressed I did pull myself together, mostly together anyway, every day. Sometimes full make up, sometimes a little mascara, sometimes nothing, but I always got dressed in clothes I like. I’ve had issues with clothes for years, I think the weight gain was a big part of it. I also am very frugal with clothing. I’ve lost some weight (yay) but that doesn’t change the fact that I don’t always feel great in everything, and I’m still very frugal. So how did I decide to handle this? I have one rule, if I don’t feel great in it I don’t wear it. If I don’t like the color, the feel, anything about it I don’t put it on my body. No more well it’s perfectly good, I bought it, etc. If I don’t love it I don’t wear it. The frugal part of me still struggles with this a little but feeling good on the outside really really impacts how you feel on the inside. No matter what we were doing for the day I put on clothes I like. I do certain activities where clothes could take a beating, so I just plan for it. I wear durable clothes , or ones I would wear to bed if they got stained. Problem solved. I realized a little self care every day that was just for me made me feel good. I cared enough about myself to take a few minutes worrying about me.

Self care also involved my surroundings. Just like how your outsides can impact how you feel, your surroundings can as well. I hate clutter, in fact I have developed a physical reaction to it. I swear it makes me itch. I used to be pretty bad at letting things go, I can be pretty sentimental. I have gotten really really good at not acquiring new things, but letting things go, especially things I’ve had awhile or my childrens things have not always been easy.  I didn’t do it all it one day, but I slowly starting going through things, and going through them again and letting things go, even if it was only one item at a time. I scheduled regular pick ups with a local group that comes and picks them up, I figured it added some pressure to get it done and I didn’t drive around with it in my car for weeks. Every time they came I had at least 4 bags to give them. I would intentionally sign up for a pick up of 4+ items so again there was some pressure to get things out the door.  I gave away clothing of mine, clothing my children no longer fit or in the case of my oldest things he just didn’t wear. I gave away some household items. I gave away toys. This was actually the hardest. As parents we sometimes want our kids to have too much, I want everything for them and the best, but I have realized that doesn’t always mean piles of stuff. I would observe the things that they played with, and the stuff that just got shoved aside. The stuff that got shoved aside got put in the bag. I did this over and over and was amazed how many things they didn’t actually play with. You know what, they seem happier now. They are only surrounded by what they love. I am continuing to work on this throughout the house. I’ve rearranged some rooms, purged some things, changed around the way things are laid out. It’s a work in progress, and probably will continue to be as our family evolves, but it makes me feel good. My husband has been helping out more too in an effort to help me achieve my goals, and while it may seem small to some people, waking up and seeing some things I thought I was going to need to deal with in the morning done makes me very happy.

I have continued to do things that I enjoy, and have been finding ways to bring more joy to them. I love planning. Meal planning, activity planning, I love it. I have been starting to fill in our calendar with things to do in the spring. I have found endless fun and free things for my family to do. I am continuing my Diet Bet and so far with success. I did feel myself burning out with restriction and the same thing over and over towards the end of March so I decided this month to change things up. Still healthy, still watching my carbs… I do better with less. I am learning to listen to my body… and I don’t just mean listen to the craving for brownies. I am I am learning to process the information it gives me about certain foods and how I feel when I eat them. While this has been very difficult since the foods that I seem to have the biggest cravings for seem to make me feel the worse, it has been a good experience because I am learning how to fuel myself in ways that don’t make me feel bad, as well as find substitutes for the things that I just can’t give up. I am playing around with recipes to find some middle ground. I know that pure restriction makes me lose weight faster, but there comes a point where the results aren’t worth feeling like I had to give up everything. Being somewhere in the middle seems to be a better long term solution for me. If I lose a little slower but can still enjoy my morning coffee I’m fine with that.

Self care is also learning to say no, learning what doesn’t make me happy. This hasn’t been the easiest thing for me. I am by nature a people pleaser. I want to make everyone happy. The problem with this is you can end up unhappy trying to make others happy. Then you become a martyr… no one like a martyr… not even the martyr. I would give and give then burn out, so what good did I really do anyone? I have learned my boundries. I don’t try to do every activity I find every day with the kids, we’ve found our favorites and we do those. I actually just missed a sign up for something over spring break… I was so upset with myself, then realized that if it booked up that fast it would have probably been overwhelmingly crowded…. and so it was just as well. I am happy to help friends and family, but I no longer will over extend myself just to say yes. Sometimes no is ok, I can’t is ok. I remember this wonderful women I worked with years ago taught me the most important lesson one day… no is a complete sentence. If my kids are in bed and I’m exhausted….  I go to bed. Yes there is more housework to be done… there is ALWAYS more housework to be done. But if I stay up too late to finish a few things I will be more tired tomorrow, which means I won’t be as productive or happy, so what was the point?  I am also learning that it’s ok to make things easier for myself. Having less toys, less clothing mean less for me to take care of. Making rules about certain things like where we can have snack and how many toys we can take out at once is ok. It keeps me more sane. The less I have to try to care for the more I can focus on the things that matter. I am saying no to more so I can say yes to more.

I have also found that self care for me isn’t always cut and dry. What makes me feel good one day might have little effect the next, and you know what, that’s ok. Self care isn’t a one size fits all solution. It will continue to evolve as my life and my needs as well as my families needs evolve. I am also learning that while there are things that I would love to do for myself right now, they will be things that I will be able to do someday, and I will miss the reasons why I just can’t now. Self care isn’t always improving something or doing something different, it is learning to be content with how things are now.

I look forward to continuing my journey of self care. I know just from this short month that it makes me a more well rounded person, a happier person, and it helps me to care for others more effectively. My cup is more full, which means I have more to share with others.