Being an adult is not what I expected.  I vividly remember being a kid and looking at the adults around me thinking they knew everything.  I remember being a teenager right on the verge of launching, in that awkward place somewhere between being a child and an adult.  I remember being so excited for that day that I officially became an adult,  my 18th birthday. The moment I could officially be in charge of my own decisions . I looked forward to becoming what I always assumed the adults I watched were…  confident , happy, all knowing. …

Did I miss something along the way ?

My 30th birthday is just around the corner. … 11 weeks and 5 days but who’s counting? Would you believe me if I told you that I don’t feel much different than that teenage version of myself? Maybe I’m still waiting to launch.  To figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

My life resembles that of an adult.  I am married ,  I have kids….3 kids.  I have a dog .  I have a mortgage and a student loan. I do lots of adult things.  I do laundry, although I do admit I don’t iron unless it’s setting the dryer to wrinkle release .  I cook,  I meal plan,  I clip coupons and grocery shop. I watch the news,  check the weather before getting myself and my family dressed for the day.  I drink coffee ,  lots and lots of coffee (although mostly decaf) . I try to make sure I get enough sleep because I can’t run on 3 hours of sleep very well anymore. I don’t do the wine thing I hear so many Moms talk about. .. maybe that’s the problem ?

I feel like once again I’m in that awkward moment where I’m in between. I’m in between  being in my 20s and my 30s. In between barely being an adult and getting closer to being excited if I do get carded trying to buy a bottle of wine. I’m not always sure if myself . Maybe it’s because the weight of my decisions is so much heavier now.  Nothing is only about me anymore.  Every decision I make , big or small,  has am impact on those around me .

I hope with each passing day I grow more confident in myself. I have found some peace in realizing that very few seem to have it completely figured out. I am coming to realize that all those adults I admired probably felt very similar to how I feel now.  Scared,  confused,  hopeful. I no longer think that you wake up one day and suddenly know it all. I am coming to realize that we are all figuring it out a little at a time.

Maybe in 11 weeks and 5 days I’ll wake up and suddenly feel like an adult. Maybe my 30th birthday will be the day I wake up with all the answers. Just incase I think I may get a babysitter for my birthday. Not for a wild night on the town,  after all I won’t be in my 20s anymore, but to sit watching TV,  and ironing clothes.  Maybe then,  and only then,  will I finally feel like an adult.