Being an adult is hard.  Marriage is hard.  Parenthood is hard. Sometimes the demands of my day steal my joy,  because I let it happen. Unrealistic expectations of what my day, my house,  my relationships,  my entire life should be like steal my joy.  This is so far the hardest, but also the most joy filled season of my life.  While I know I am blessed , it’s easy to feel tired and overwhelmed.  And when you are tired and overwhelmed it can be hard to see the bigger picture.  It’s easy to start the downward spiral of never feeling good enough,  like you can never compare.

Comparison, in my opinion, is the root of all evil.  At the library the other day I actually started to feel like I was inadequate as a mother because I wasn’t teaching my 2 year old a foreign language.  I was playing puzzles with my daughter and over heard a conversation another couple of mothers were having close by.  One of the mothers was discussing taking out books written in Spanish,  and how she was going to rent some Spanish audio/dad’s.  The thing that really hit me was hearing her say she had just started to introduce some TV so she thought it would be ok.  It’s been some time since self doubt hit me the way it did in that moment. So many thought ran through my mind.  Should I be introducing a foreign language? Should I actually learn one myself so I can introduce one? No TV? I had let my daughter watch her favorite  “doggy movie” before coming to the library so I could do the dishes and get dinner going.  Maybe I shouldn’t let her watch TV…. maybe I don’t know what I’m doing….

I actually thought about renting something to teach her a foreign language.  Fortunately I realized how foolish I was being,  and how unkind I was being to myself. I don’t know a foreign language,  my 4th grader just started Spanish last year.  My 2 year old is still working on learning and speaking the English language. So she may not know a foreign language,  but she does know her colors and some animals.  She has manners, she knows please and thank you.  Pretends to help me cook and clean. She’s a great kid regardless of how many languages she speaks. 

The same thing has happened with my older son. I always thought maybe I just had a complex because I was a young mom.  I always thought I had something to prove . Even now, I feel like I need to keep up. My son claims to want to play football next year,  but his real passions have little to do with sports. We all praise the kid who’s into sports. Why not the boy who is into art, and reading,  and creating.  Sure sometimes I wish he had a little more drive,  but is that just because he’s not into what society has made me believe he should be? He’s a nice boy. Isn’t that what should matter?

That got me thinking,  how much more would I enjoy my life if I stopped comparing? How much joy have I stolen from myself over my lifetime by worrying about things that really matter so little? I’ve worried about everything from my kids behavior,  what they are into,  if they are wearing the “right” things,  if I was wearing the “right” thing. I tried to disguise my age to avoid anyone realizing I was a young mother.  The list goes on and on . Did it do me any good? Nope not at all. And the truth is it never will. 

I wish I could say that I’ve already changed my ways and that I no longer engage in this type of nonsense but what would be a lie. However I am working towards the day where I no longer compare myself and my life to anyone else.  My life and everything in it is exactly as God meant it to be. The good ,the bad, and everything in between.