As a seasoned Mother of 5 who has been parenting for close to two decades i have and advise.

Let go

Let go of the life you pictured when you saw those two lines and embrace the life that it

This is a concept that applies no matter what child you have,  it works universally.  Typical child? Let go. Neuro spicy child? Let go.  Disabled child? Let go.

Let go of expectations that you placed on that child and embrace who that child actually is.

Your child , your children are not here to fulfill any predetermined dreams you had for them,  even if that dream is only for them to be ” normal ” or if its a big as being the president.  They are here to be themselves.  They are made perfectly as is, and they serve a unique purpose in the world that only they can serve exactly as the are.

Your child may be here to cure cancer, they may be here to be a football player, they may also be here to teach you and everyone around you the true meaning of love and acceptance.  To teach you what true resiliency looks like.

I’m not saying don’t do things to help your child.  I’m not saying don’t expose your child to your passions or things you wish you had explored. I am saying hold the space for them to find what makes their hearts sing.

Get your child help if they need help.  Emotional problems? Get them a therapist to teach them more regulation ( and trust me when i say you’ll learn as much as they do if you bother to pay attention) . They need medical intervention? Do it.  Speech therapy or OT? Do it and realize that whole some kids go to story hour for socializing and stimulation your kid may need therapies to fullfil the same need and both are OK. 

Give them every tool you can to live a happy and fulfilled life in whatever capacity that means to them and then let them live that life.

In my motherhood journey I’ve experienced a lot.  Healthy children,  so sick you lost sleep children.  Autism.  Advanced academics.  Behavioral disorders that needed intervention.  Gender issues. Depression.  Anxiety.  Joy. Pain. Loss.

I’ve lost joy comparing what feels like a complicated life looking at other people’s Instagram worthy lives.  I’ve cried worrying about whether or not a child was going to live a full life. A life that I had decided they should live.  And then it hit me…. what right do i have to hold them..  their life… to any expectation that i have?? Their lives are not for me to decide . That’s between them and God. I’ve walked besides my children in so many circumstances and ever walk has been worth walking. In one day I can do anything from IEP meetings for services one kid may need,  to signing paperwork for advanced academics,  to taking a kid out of traditional school , to sitting on the sidelines watching another kid finding their passion… sometimes I’ve done all of these things in one single day.

You know how i got my joy back? I let go.  I let go and trusted. I let my children be themselves and embraces them for the individual that they are. I embraced that my children owe me nothing, not a single thing.  I choose to welcome them which means i choose them and everything and anything that came along with them. And now I’m able to show up for even the hardest thing with joy because i know that I’m fulfilling my God given role in this world, being their Mom.

Want the same? Let go.