Yikes….

That’s the only word I can use to describe this week… well the only non cuss word anyway.

I have decided that God answers prayers.. but sometimes in ways that in the moment feel like the opposite of what you were asking for.

This week… actually past 10 days haven’t been the most fun.  My 5 year old was sick Thursday and Friday.  Saturday we seemed to rebound only for everyone to be miserable by Sunday. 

Christmas came with a household of sick people.  Santa even wrote them a get better note.

Kids missed camp we paid for.

Friday my toddler woke up at 230am unprovoked.  He must have heard us talking about how they wanted us to get him up for 3am for his EEG and was on top of it.  He also unfortunately woke up my 5 year old.  After one crazy morning into the afternoon we are on the way to the appointment.  20 minutes before we arrive he falls asleep hard.  Can’t wake him.  Have to reschedule… sigh.

What’s funny is the other night in the middle of the night while I was rubbing my sick 5 year olds back I started to pray. I prayed for everyone to get well,  but I also prayed for patience and strength to get through this hard season.  A season of no routine, not enough sleep,  and a nice touch of anxiety about everything happening.  At times I could feel my patience all but disappearing.  I want to be a loving attentive mother… but this has been happening since August.  I prayed for the patience to be able to handle this well.

I didn’t wake up suddenly with me patience.  Instead it seems like God gave me plenty of opportunities to practice.

Yesterday after the whole missed appointment thing my husband tried to make it nice.  I think my ability to not break down in tears was lessening so he bought me a coffee and some lunch.

He had to do some stuff when we got home.  My 5 year old fell asleep so he was mindful of her while i packed up the other kids to take my teen to work.  The gas light pops on and as I’m filling my tank my 8 year old starts telling me he might throw up. Luckily we made it home but as soon as he got out of the car up it came.

By the time I was cooking dinner all I could do was pray I didn’t end up having a bigger meltdown than my two youngest were having. 

Bedtime was relief.

Until my daughter was having bad dreams and needed help at 6am … which woke up my toddler who woke up ready to cause some chaos.

I used my emergency freezer breakfast of frozen mini pancakes and made some homemade whipped cream.  My oldest daughter misunderstood what I told her.. leaned over me to get something and spilled my coffee everywhere.  I let out on of those oh no moments… had about 5 seconds of this is going to be my lose it moment… but found it in me to ask if it burned her and then asked her to get a towel. My coffee was already gone… my coffee with my last of my favorite mix until I get too the store…. I could have ruined our day by yelling and hurting her feelings…. her very big preteen feelings… but I am thankful I had the pause to instead muster up the words can you get a towel please.

While I would have preferred to magically wake up transformed indy Mary Poppins… I suppose learning to use and continuing to exercise my patience muscle is the best way to reach my goal. The more patient I become through strengthening this muscle the less I find I need it in smaller moments.  I am also better at recognizing overwhelm setting in and can try to course correct.  I also am finding I am getting better at calling it out. I’m overwhelmed I need to adjust something.  So I’ve gotten good at figuring out ways to put out the flames. Sometimes it’s taking everyone for a drive… especially my toddler if he’s a mess it seems to reset him. Sometimes it’s putting on a fun show. Some music. A book. Sometimes it’s accepting I can’t do anything about it and learning to sit in the discomfort as the storm passes thru.