Another Holiday without you.

This one was a first.

I haven’t seen you except for a couples of funerals in 4 years.

We have barely spoken.

On major days you would text. I never knew how to feel.

Glad you reached out or sad that the scab was opened again.

This year you said nothing.

And I don’t know how to feel.

Mid day I thought about it.

However I realized if you’ve reached the point you no longer reach out…I should probably leave you alone.

I understand that what happened cause hurt for all.

At least I assume for all.

And while it’s your choice to not honor my boundary…. your choice to not be in my life when the door was never closed… you aren’t in my life.

The last two years big things happened and I didn’t even include you. I still feel bad… but I told myself that you don’t partake in the worst parts of my life so why share the best parts.

I’m still not sure I made the right decision…but I have done the best I can with what I have.

Today you didn’t reach out…and if it’s part of your healing… as much as you hurt me I want to honor that healing… so I left you alone.

I have always heard that time is a broken hearts best friend.

However coined that phrase was a liar.

Maybe it is for some hurts…but not for this one…not for me.

But maybe for you you’re healing…and I hope you are.

I pray for your healing in all parts of your life…because I know the broken pieces of you are part of the reason we’re here…and I reason that while it broke my heart…. I had to stop the cycle somewhere… so maybe my daughter will never feel this pain.

If never speaking to me heals your heart… please never speak to me again.

I hope someday…for both of us… all of this makes sense .

Happy Thanksgiving