Anyone else ever watch one of good Day in a Life videos or mini vlogs?

Yeah me too.

So many of them seem so scripted and planned.

Planned days are fine. I try to plan my days… the non negotiable at least, like appointments and feeding the kids.

Planned perfection… no not so much.

These videos are strikingly similar. Cue the shot of coffee being brewed into a cute mug, quiet reflexion before the kids wake up, maybe some exercise. A Starbucks coffee while doing errands after drop off… you know what I’m talking about.

How about we all cut the poop ( I’m trying not to swear so much) and be real.

Here’s my more realistic day in the life as a Mom of 5 kiddos.

Set alarm for some quiet me time..ignore that alarm and reset for a reasonable time. Or better yet… don’t bother and set your alarm clock based on the method of doing math backwards when you determine your wake time based on what time you need to be out the door and then calculate approximately how long it takes to do the morning routine. Then hit the snooze button one more time for good measure… two if you’re feeling brave…or too tired to realize the mistake your making.

Wake up and leave the lights off when you use the bathroom. You can avoid seeing the bags under your eyes this way. Usually by the time you see yourself again the swelling will have had time to go down.

Walk to coffee pot. Say a little prayer to yourself the this cup of coffee will get you through the morning. Or in my case will hit my system fast enough my IBS can do its thing before its time to spend in hour dropping off two kids who go to school in opposite directions. I have tried no coffee and it doesn’t help… thank God. The coffee simply allows slightly more predictable in my systems timing.

Pack lunches. Yes there are cute bento boxes you can use… and should. More environmentally friendly and you paid for them. But plastic sandwich bags can be tossed and not scrubbed at the end of the day. Apologize to the planet, then tell yourself next week you’ll start using the bento boxes…. knowing you’re probably full of it.

Then…. ask each kid a minimum of 5 times to get their shoes. At least 1 swears they left both shoes at the front door… but now 1 is missing! Find other shoe in the opposite end of the house. Swear that tonight everyone will line their shoes up at the door and leave their water bottles in the counter so tomorrow we are ready… while knowing deep down that yet again you’re full of it

Somehow get everyone out the door. Get elementary kids to the bus stop, bring your high-schooler to their dual enrollment program and explain to your preschooler that you understand they want to drive a different way but that’s not possible and no their school isn’t open yet.

Get everyone to school. Breathe a sigh of relief…. until you realize that in about an hour you need to run back to the college to pick up your kid and deliver them to the high-school. Oh well at least it gives you time to listen to your audiobook.

Get home. Resume care of baby who hung out with Dad while you were dropping off…unless your husband is traveling then he came too. Feed play change a diaper. Put in the TV. Swear you will stop using the TV to get chores done… lying to yourself again. How else will those dishes get done. Get into a rhythm.. then look at the clock and it’s time to leave again. Pack up baby cakes and head out.

Try to listen to your audio book then realize you’ve not actually been listening to it but instead going over the rest of your day or finding yourself lost in thought about something. Debate restarting chapter or just listening to music instead.

Get high-schooler. Several times a week offer to get them a little something to eat on the way to high-school. To know they don’t love their high-school and are at the age they are basically a human housecat… only coming near you for food then retreating again. You realize you are probably buying their affection…. but you sigh say they leave in 2 years and buy them the foolish rice and bean burrito that seems to be the key to them chatting with you in between bites .

Return home . Hope you can get the baby out of the car asleep so you have a chance at getting the laundry folded. Accidentally wake up baby….accept folded towels are a luxury of the past and tell yourself at least the are clean and unfolded vs not washed at all.

Look around at everything else that needs to be done. Struggle with the dualing feelings of season of life vs why am I incapable of keeping up.

Try to figure out how to actually feed yourself a balanced meal.. laugh at the silly thought.

Next thing you know the alarm is going off for the bus . Yes the alarm. The afternoon has no set routine so you set an alarm to give yourself time to switch your mental gears and get ready for what you lovingly refer to as the second shift.

Pregame with some decaf coffee for placebo effect… nursing baby so you watch your caffeine.

Prepare yourself . These kids are great… but the amount of things they ask for as soon as they walk in is borderline overwhelming.

Mom can I have a snack… mom can I have my tablet…. oh right it’s a week day… can I anyway… mom mom mom mom mom.

Tell them to do their homework. Get told they have no homework. Check folder… there is in fact homework… oh I didn’t see it there they reply…. sigh..

Snacks homework please empty your lunchbox.

Depending on the day you run to OT or have some time … about an hour… before you get your preschooler. She currently wants to be picked up last…. and you don’t feel like fighting her on it.

You walk up to the preschool door… catch a glimpse of yourself in the reflective glass. Your hair sits on top of your head ..calling it a messy bun is a stretch as it more closely resembles a rats nest… oh well. Someday you will have nice hair. Not today… not next week…honestly probably not this year. Time to let this one go.

Time to make dinner. After 5 kids you’ve somewhat mastered dinner…. just kidding…. not even close. But you have figured out how too not cook 4 different dinners…. everything you cook is now served deconstructed. You tell yourself that’s a fancy way to serve dinner. What it really means is you let everyone decide how to put together the components together. The I like sauce people can do sauce…. the don’t let sauce touch my food don’t have to have sauce… won’t say everyone is happy because there is still complaining that Mac and cheese wasn’t served… but could be worse.

Now it’s time to debate with your children why they need to do basic chores like clear their plates and help clean up the table. It absolutely takes more time and effort than doing it yourself but you tell yourself you’re trying to raise capable not selfish kids.

Bedtime. Arguably the hardest time of the day. Those who want to go to bed have to debate Bedtime with those who don’t want to go to bed and that’s a miserable experience for everyone. After 10 or so warnings its time for bed, reminders to get water if they need it and no you can’t slip brushing your teeths you finally get everyone in bed…. only to hear someone leave their room a few minutes later because Bedtime turns them into tiny philosophers or they can’t sleep even though it’s been less than 5 minutes.

Kids are in bed the night is all yours….haha yeah right… but the time the preschooler falls asleep ( thank you 1 pm to 3pm naptime) you are too tired to do anything but get into bed. You also know that it’s only a matter of time before the nighttime wake ups start so better get some sleep before it’s too late.

You climb into bed tired but happy…because while at times downright exhausting this was the life of your dreams and you are now living it… you just weren’t realistic about how often you’d be able to shower… otherwise it’s perfect.