Today I was able to help my kids shower without pain making my wince.

At first I didn’t notice….I guess that’s the problem with relief… you don’t always notice it until you don’t have it.

I helped my daughter then it was my son’s turn. Sometimes the first one isn’t bad but the second shower gets me. As I was helping my son dry his hair I realized that my arm was ok… then I almost got flooded with emotions. I pushed them back…. which probably isn’t healthy but I didn’t want to alarm him.

The good moments almost hit me harder than the hard ones. I think the gratitude I feel for the days I’m doing ok overwhelms me. I start to wonder how many days I’ll have like this and hope I have enough and stay well enough to be the mom I want to be.

I would never ever wish what I’ve been experienced on my worst enemy…. but I do wish that the gratitude I feel for small things could be felt by everyone.

It really is true you don’t know what you have until it’s gone. You are never as thankful to feel well as you are when you haven’t.

My head hurts today…. that’s not surprising as my period is due any moment and headaches often accompany the start of my cycle. My pants are tight… also not uncommon…. and my IBS has paid me a visit… I am not at all surprised between hormones and my daughters birthday cake over the weekend.

I am tempted to try to do all the things… but since I’m just coming out of the flare I’m trying to ease back in.

It’s clean sheet day and fold all the laundry I washed but didn’t put away this weekend… I laughed as I started wondering if a huge potted plant would keep me from piling baskets of “at least its clean” laundry in that corner or if I should just accept it… maybe hide it behind a certain…or make a funny wall sign that says at least it’s clean…. someday…someday the pile will be gone…

Yesterday I had a conversation with my husband that was hard. I can’t remember actually how it started but it was about acknowledging the good. The fear in both sides of acknowledging when things seem better… would it jinx it?

I thought about it and decided it would be best to acknowledge it. I want to acknowledge my good days… even if I only get one at a time… because they are worth celebrating . The only way I will make it through is to acknowledge and celebrate the good.

I think sometimes the fear of jinxing something keeps me from fully living. It’s easy to talk about the harder stuff.. the bad days… you have nothing to lose so how could you jinx it. But by not acknowledging the good you lose so much more.

So today I am celebrating my good day… however long it lasts.