I feel like so much more than a month has passed since I last started to write.

I’m going to share the last draft I was working on… I was trying to gather my thoughts about everything that had happened in the days prior … never finished writing . This seems to be a common problem for me. It is something that I hope to change as writing is therapeutic for me. When life gets really hectic I put it aside. When overwhelm hits I tend to put aside everything that isn’t dealing with the crisis in front of me. I’m not sure that that in itself is a bad thing… but I often have trouble picking back up.

Anyway…. here is that draft.

I lost track.

Day….. I’m not sure to be honest.

This shouldn’t be hard…I made a goal to track my journey my progress…

But then life happened and I didn’t.

I still haven’t done my measurements.

I lost track of what day I’m on because I didn’t manage to keep up tracking.

I have not kept to my goals perfectly.

I didn’t bother to weigh myself today…and I honestly am not sure if I did yesterday or the day before… I think I did… but I’m not really sure.

So here’s the deal…..

I kind of suck at this . I tend to start strong… excitement overrules my natural tendency to fall off….or get distracted.

I want to say it’s all because of how busy I am…. I mean it’s a factor…. but it’s only part of it. I am not going to try to decide what the cause is… I’m just going to say I lost track and it’s time to jump back in. Maybe tracking days isn’t the way to go… I’ll figure it out.

This week was hard.

Monday is requested surgical sterilization…. and my heart hurts. It’s the right decision… but it’s not even a little easy. I have 5 kids… and I just had a miscarriage and it was really hard on my body. I need to address some health issues. I want to have the time I need for my kids that I have. Inflation isn’t helping. My surgery is coming up much faster than I expected which I guess is good because I don’t have too much time to over think it.

Tuesday we found out a family member has a few months to live. I am filled with guilt that we moved. She lives near

As you can see I didn’t even finish my last sentence.

In the time since I wrote last that family member passed. She got pneumonia. She was gone in a matter of weeks not months.

My little almost 4 year old daughter gave me a run for my money and probably took a few years off my life that week because she is fearless.

I got my preoperative labs done and I don’t like the way one of my tests looks. My anion gap is 0. I should have avoided Google. I go for my post op on the 21st and I’ll bring it up then.

My surgery was this past Monday. It was hard. I was so fortunate to have a great doctor. I had both of my fallopian tubes removed to prevent pregnancy as well as to reduce my risk of cancer. My grandmother died of ovarian cancer in the spring of 2021.

On my list for next week is to finally make that call for genetic testing…

I had my umbilical hernia repaired… no mesh so we will see. I’m hoping for the best.

While they were in there they found a decent sized lipoma and removed it.

This recovery has been hard. I woke up in tears from pain and started to vomit…. definitely don’t recommend…. it was so painful. I opted out of stronger medicine and the anti nausea patch because of my nursing baby. With the exception of being in recovery and taking medication I have been on tylenol and Motrin …. the last few days I’ve gone to just motrin because I was feeling sick when I took the tylenol.

I have given up for now. I fully intend to start over again… but for right now I’m just giving myself the grace to have no additional pressure on me.

It is absolutely the time to focus on health and healing. It is also not the time to add more pressure than I need. I had my survey 5 days ago and I’m still struggling to do things like get something that falls to the floor or even get dressed. Socks are a hard no right now…. thank goodness for slip on shoes.

I finally got that MRI that I put off during my miscarriage. I won’t lie getting back off that table was so painful. Not sure I loved the results…. maybe I should have waited to see my doctor before checking my portal.

It’s clear to me that my health and well-being needs my attention…. but I’m taking a pause for another week. My only goal is to recover from my surgery and make it through my kids spring break in one piece. My heart is a little sad but I’m keeping my preschooler in preschool this week and sending my elementary aged kids to day camp a couple of the days. I want them to enjoy themselves but my capacity is limited. I want to actually heal instead of pushing to hard and paying for it.

Thanks to Instacart groceries have been purchased for the weekend and the beginning of the week. I will probably do some take out Tuesday and Wednesday since my husband is going on a business trip. Once I get to my post op I’ll chat with my doctor about everything and work on getting back on track. I won’t overdo it since right now an IBS flare up is the last thing I need… but my prescription to myself this week is grace. The grace to just exsist without trying to accomplish anything.