This past May I turned 32. I must say, so far my 30s have no been what I expected. When I was younger I looked to people in their 30s and thought that they must have had it all together, all figured out. I half expected to hit the big 3 0 and suddenly have my stuff together… feel free to laugh with me on that one because I’m still waiting, it hasn’t happened yet. I still have so many of those moments that I did when I was a teen/ young just turned adult . Being confused, not sure what to do next, needing to find a more adult adult to bounce something off of. I still feel scared and shy, lost and confused. Hurt when I feel excluded, tremendous joy when I feel included. However, there are some important things that I have learned , some of them very recently, and some that I have known for a long time but have only finally put into place.

Buy the good coffee, buy the coffee that makes your soul happy. Coffee is my happy place in the morning, it is something I start to look forward to the night before at bedtime. I used to buy the cheapest I could get my hands on, and then tried to doctor it up. I realized two things in doing so. One I ended up spending more fixing up the coffee and hurting my health using a whole bottle of those flavored creamers every week. Two, it’s ok to treat yourself to something nice. Now I’m not suggesting you hit the drive through every morning, that gets quite pricey, but know you are worth a little splurge.

Be an includer, go out of your way to be if you have to. I am an introvert who pretends like hell to be an extrovert. I try to make my anxiety charismatic. I moved to my current home 4 years ago, and until recently was so lonely . I struggled to meet new people, and then struggled to make anything come from it. This year on the hill outside of my daughters preschool I met some wonderful women and through being open and honest with eachother rather than trying to be picture perfect we bonded. Those women introduced us to other women and now we have a tribe of moms who have each others back. This group of women have saved my sanity.

Don’t let anyone or anything pop your balloon. Believe in big dreams. Be brave and put yourself out there, what’s the worst that is going to happen?

If you are hesitant to try something because you are afraid to fail, take that as the sign that you absolutely need to do it anyway. We don’t grow when we are comfortable.

Set boundaries. It’s ok to say no. In fact, No is a complete sentence. Say yes to things only when your heart says yes. By saying no you are giving someone else the chance to say yes.

Is it necessary? Is it productive? Is it kind? If you cannot say yes to ask to at least one of these things don’t ssy/do it.

Play. Be silly. Be goofy. If you don’t you are sucking the life out of yourself. Throw the ball to your kids, get on the floor and play. Enjoy your life you are worth it.

It’s ok to feel lost sometimes. This past year has broken me down and built me back up, more than once. Recently I was knocked down by life, and to be honest I’m still trying to regain my footing. If I’ve learned anything it’s this… don’t rush the process. Healing takes place in its own time. It isn’t pleasant, but sometimes it is ok to be uncomfortable, it’s ok to not know your next move. Breathe it in , know that you will be ok, and keep trying to move forward. If you can’t move forward move to the side, but never move backwards. Never go backwards to the hurt. Even if that’s less uncomfortable than moving forward. The hurt you know feels easier than the hurt you don’t know in the moment,but sooner or later you will wake up and finally be able to breathe again without the weight of the hurt pushing you down.