If you don’t stand up for them who will ?

This has become the phrase I say to myself when I have to stand up for one of my children .  It’s the thing I say to myself to remind myself that it’s ok to push back against people or situations that are unkind. Unfortunately I’m not always good at standing up for myself .  I prefer peace, even if it’s only perceived peace. I went through a brief period of “I don’t start fights I finish them” but that was short lived.  Maybe it’s still true in a way,  I don’t start fights,  and by not fighting back I guess one could look at it as ending the fight.  It’s really just avoiding conflict. I hate conflict, I don’t even like reality tv, I can’t stand fighting.  I would rather choke beck my feelings,  or think of some come back that I don’t say outloud just to avoid a fight.  I tell myself it’s easier.But is it really? Is it easier to feel awful and say nothing? Probably not but it’s my way.

My children however are off limits . If I ,  their mother,  don’t stand up for them who will? I want them to know that I would slay dragons for them.  Sometimes I think slaying an actual dragon would be easier than trying to protect them from the world.
I feel like I’ve spent my last 10 years fighting . Actually 11 if you count my pregnancy with my oldest. I almost feel like the pregnancy books should include a chapter on preparing yourself for the life long battle that is trying to protect your children from the world. The first fight for my oldest was during our stay at the hospital when he was born.  If I only knew what that was the beginning of.

Over the last decade I feel like I’ve been engaged in a never ending fight.  I’ve fought for better medical care and answers, against the mean kid at story time,  against the teachers who thought there was something wrong with my child for being cautious,  the teacher who made my child afraid to go to school . I’ve fought against the odds of being a young mother wanting to give her child a good life. I have fought against people thinking I didn’t know what was best for my own family.  I fought against hard decisions that were made for the sake of my family that others didn’t understand .  I fought to keep my pregnancy with my daughter while still being an active parent to my son.  I fought doctors who seemed to disagree on what I knew to be true with her,  what my gut told me. I have fought to find balance. I have fought for my baby,  again arguing that a mother’s intuition really fails her.

Every day seems to present a new battle. Sometimes against the world , sometimes against them because they simplt do not know what’s best for themselves .  If there is a moment of peace  I’ve learned to accept that this is not the norm and another battle is around the corner.

Today I was reminded that the fight is going to come where you least expect it. And that unfortunately your child is going to see you as the enemy ,  not realizing what you are doing to protect them.  My crying two year old daughter didn’t realize that I was breaking her little heart  to protect her against people ,  adults, who put a target on her back . As my hands were shaking with anger dialing  the phone I said over and over if you don’t protect her who will…. because who will?

I fought back  tears writing am angry email to  those who treated her unkindly. It was an uncomfortable because it brought back all the emotions I’ve ever felt sticking up for one of my children .  That uncomfortable feeling did leave me with one bit of peace though.  It reminded me of the fact that no matter how weak I may be at times when standing up for myself ,  I will find strength where I didn’t have it before to stand up for them.  It also reminded me that I’m going to have to dig  really deep because this fight is far from over.

I will alway fight for them,  because they are worth fighting for.  Against anything and anyone. I want them to grow up with a deep sense of worth ,  knowing that they are worth fighting for.  That it’s ok to push back against wrong.  I hope to teach them to not only to fight for themselves ,  but you fight for those who cannot fight for  themselves . I will teach them to stand up for what’s right,  not to wait for someone else to do it for them. I will teach thema new version of my saying , a better more empowering version .

If you don’t stand up to them who will ?