Dearest daughter,

Today was a tough day.  You and I are so in sync. Our likes, our dislikes, our emotions. Some days we exist in a peaceful harmony. There are days where I look down at your sweet face while I’m cooking to see you pretending to cook with some pots and pans.  Or sitting with me while we relax, or wandering the isles of a grocery store because we both oddly enjoy food shopping. Today was not that day.  I could feel it as soon as I woke up today.  I think you could too. Instead of waking up with a smile on your face you woke up looking like the day had already gotten the best of you.  I tried to sit with you in hopes we could try to make the day better, and you kicked over my coffee.  I picked it up and drank what was left, bracing myself for a long day.

After breakfast I thought we had recovered. You happily ate your pancakes while scolding your older brother for not using his fork. You were excited when your Grandmother walked in to babysit you while I took the baby to the doctor. We had recovered and today was going to be a good day.

The baby’s appointment was more stressful then expected. A diagnosed allergy and vaccines. Off to the store I went to pick up some things to help the problem, a few things for your older brother,  and a few things for you.  I was determined to walk in the door happy and relaxed ready to take on the problem head on with a smile on my face.  I swear you knew.  I walked in expecting you to be happy to see me.  You were upset. You had been having fun with Grandma so what happened? Did you sense my  stress even though I tried to hide it? Were you upset I went shopping with out you? I was trying to make you your favorite lunch as you clung to my leg. I knew if you got some food in you that you would feel better. I knew if i got some food in me I would feel better.We are the same. You didn’t want your lunch. After some time you ate, but not the lunch I took the extra time to make you. You still seemed sad but then Grandpa stopped in to visit.  You were happy to see him.  We both welcomed the distraction.

The day continued and we continued our ups and downs.  It made me sad to see you sad. I felt helpless to help you.  Nothing was working.

You feel asleep cuddled next to your father. He always seems to make you feel better.  A sweet sight,   I was so hoping this was the reset you needed.  I was wrong.  You woke up at more unhappy then you were when you went to sleep. Your father had gone to drop off your big brother to go camping with family for the weekend. Were you sad he was gone? I was too. He’s at the age he always wants to go off and do something,  with us,  and sometimes without is. Were you missing him? I was too.

Our night continued this way. Even in the bathtub you were not happy, and I was starting to feel like nothing I did would help.  I felt bad for you because I knew the feeling. Some days were just bad days. I have them too, and was having one today too. I wanted to wash your hair and you not only objected, but screamed the whole time.  You always seem to need the most patience when I have the least to give.  I looked at your sad little face and knew that no matter how I was feeling you needed me to find whatever I had left,  to borrow from tomorrow’s patience as well if I needed to.  You were having a bad day and needed grace. Why do we expect children to be so different then us? We seem to always expect them to be happy and to snap out of it quickly.  But they are just tiny people, and they have bad days too.

Bedtime was hard for you tonight. You wanted to sleep but wanted to stay up.  Your late nap gave you just enough to fight the sleep you desperately needed,  and to prevent the sleep that I needed.  It had been a long day and we were both exhausted. And then your baby brother started to cry.  He had been happy with your father most of the evening.  Until now.  I expected you to not want him near us. You were tired and sad and needed to be held.  You surprised me. You requested the baby.  You saw that he was sad, the same way I saw you were sad . You stopped crying and instead started talking to the baby.  And it worked, he stopped crying.  The love you showed him cured his sadness.  You talked to him,  rubbed his hand, gave him kisses. You gave him love despite the fact that you had been sad. You found love and patience for him when you didn’t have much of it yourself.  You are like me,  we are in sync. Our emotions are always in line,  for good or bad.  Tonight you showed me just how similar we are.  You couldn’t help yourself,  but you found peace and comfort helping someone else. I couldn’t help myself today,  but found peace and comfort  trying to help you.  Watching the love you showed tonight was breathtaking.  Maybe it’s something I’ve done right,  maybe it’s just in you.  Once the crying had stopped, you settled down and peacefully went to sleep.  And despite the day we’ve had,  I feel peaceful too. Thank you dearest daughter.  💖